Telling Thier Story
by George McLaughlin, Bereavement Coordinator
"It's not their death that defines a person; it's their life."
Next Thanksgiving will mark twenty-five years. Twenty-five years since I experienced one of the most significant losses in my life, the death of my dad. It was not unexpected, as he had courageously battled cancer far beyond what the medical professionals had anticipated, so we felt blessed yet still struggled with the loss. I worked through my grief by focusing as much as I could on supporting my mom through this difficult process. The days, weeks, and months that followed were a roller-coaster ride of emotions for all of us.
I was blessed to live only a mile up the road from my parents, so I spent as much time as I could with my dad during his last year and a half. It was a time to sit and just listen as he shared whatever came to mind. At times, he would repeat stories that he had already shared with me, but I quietly listened again, remembering clearly an incident from years ago that has deeply impacted my life to this day. As a young boy, I once complained to my dad that my grandfather, his father, often repeated the same stories. Dad responded to me, saying, "Perhaps your grandfather wants you to remember those stories. Those stories tell his story."
As my father and I spent time together, I listened, and I learned. I was constantly reminded of his love for my mother and his concern for her after he was gone. I learned again and again what made him such a great man, a wonderful father, and a very caring husband. He shared with me the strength his faith brought him. I heard about his struggles and even some of his failures. He told me stories of his time serving his country in the Army during the Korean War. He has left me many incredible memories from his life growing up in Boston, as well as those memories from our shared experiences and adventures. But what I learned most is something I have shared with people many times over the years: "It's not their death that defines a person; it's their life."
As I write these words and reflect on my dad, I still grieve his death, and even now, 25 years later, it brings tears to my eyes. But through my grief experience, I have learned about the incredible power of "telling the story." I honor my father every time I share part of his story, whether it's to my children, grandchildren, a friend, or a stranger. I'm thankful that I took the time to listen, and at times, I wish I had listened more, as there are still pieces of his life that I'm missing.
There is power and comfort in the story of one we have lost. Don't lose sight of the value of storytelling. While grieving, we can bring healing to ourselves and others by telling their story. Remember, "it's their life that defines them, not their death". As you consider ways to honor and remember loved ones who have died, telling their story may be a great way to start. Ask me about my dad—I'd love to tell you more!
